Good Evening - I was meant to be at work today but mia (my boss) gave me the rest of the week off which is half and half good and bad as i'm stuck at home not really being able to do anything which in my opinion is putting me further down the hole than I really want to be. I decided today that I'll run you through loads of stuff about me if your reading it.
I started writing a journal on and off for awhile but I've started to really get back into it as a de stress method just for me. I've got writing again mainly because of sadness and depression really just to be honest which if I can be honest I don't even know why. Writing has no help and eventually no one will ever read it ever again - It's like many things;
- Cooking, you'll make something and the next day you'll eat it and go "Well that's shit"
- Music, I recently went back to a little bit of song making and I made something I was happyish with and after 2 hours of leaving it I hated it
So writings just like that, except you can't go back and throw it in the bin or delete it well you can but the words stick with you. I contemplate doing many things and I probably never will do them or be truly satisfied with them, I've got 9 weeks of nothing I could write a book, learn an instrument, speak spanish or french or german, go to the gym but it's just not like that. I can do so many things, the will is different. It's like speaking to a person you really really like and then when it comes to it you'll never truly say how you feel. That's my state at the moment, it's an intresting one.
I (if you know me) have so many little toy/soft animals. I can list them off by heart and describe them, I think why do they make me feel better and it's the association factor behind it, each one means something to me or to someone else:
- Catcat is a ginger tabby cat i've had for 15 years, originally my dads and has been a connection to him wherever I go.
- Jake is a baby which I was given when my little brother was born to make sure I always looked after him
- Bearbear (Original Names) was a panda I was given by my mum and as a child I was insepreable
I've got 20 more and that's not what matters, what matters is finding ways which work for you.
Tuesday, 28 July 2026 · Sad